you might be pregnant if...

Clearly, there are obvious signs of pregnancy, but this list I've compiled is really just a number of realizations that have come to me during pregnancy. I may keep adding to this list, too, because... I've still got a ways to go.

You might be pregnant if...

... your dreams consist of intense make-out sessions with your husband.

... you can handle major things just fine, like no AC in August, but a tone from your husband sends you into tears (I'm not proud of this...)

... you ate three breakfasts and didn't realize it until lunch.

... you randomly find yourself completely confused in regular conversations (but you don't let on, because 'pregnancy brain' can only be used so many times).

... you feel like much of your time is spent in the kitchen in search of food.

... you've unconsciously begun to mark specific times of day by baby's activity.

... you achieve this zen-like acceptance that your pre-pregnancy body may become unrecognizable over time due to; swelling feet and hands, bigger bust and butt, the belly bulge, clothes and styles you didn't normally wear before, a cold-pack strapped to your head for the recurring headaches, and whatever else this pregnancy has in store for you. Am I also going to grow a third arm?

Feel free to add your own revelations! 

the first scents of autumn

Yesterday morning I walked outside and was met with a crisp and cool scent that hung in the air til noon. It was Autumn. She's a little early, but she was just reminding me that it won't be long til pumpkins and apple cider are household scents and the colors of the changing leaves are Nature's newest art show.

I'm not ready for Autumn, but that little glimpse helps me prepare. I still want to soak up the rays of heat from the sun and swim in the pool and go to the beach and do summery things. But that small reminder was sweet, because when this beautiful and hot season ends, another beautiful season will start.

Home life has been so sweet and gentle lately. Summer has been refreshing, and the newness of life seems to find us at every corner with a sweet surprise.

Fred and I are having a baby girl. This is our sweetest surprise of late.

I always thought of Autumn as a more feminine season because of its beauty and attention to detail. This new discovery seems apropos with our transition to a new season for some reason, as silly as it may sound.

Pregnancy is one of the most personal experiences I've ever had, and yet it's shared with soooo many by necessity. I don't really mind most of it, but sometimes I want to just sit there with Fred and feel her movement, so it is just us and our little girl.

Before pregnancy (and early on during the first month or so) I remember thinking "This sounds awful" when I would hear about certain changes. For instance; not sleeping on your back anymore, losing your stomach muscle strength, having to pee all the time, having to go in every month for checkups. Granted, some of that is bothersome a few times, but most of the time I forget about the discomfort when I think about her. If I had her in my arms, I wouldn't think about how much more comfortable I would be if I could rest my arms this way or that. I'd probably be lost in that little face, or at worst, sleeping. So goes my feelings thus far. At the beginning I was uncomfortable, but after seeing her in the ultrasound, and what is more, feeling her movement, it's been very easy to forget whatever comfort I might have had without her.

I feel blissful in the changes that are happening, which is unexpected for me.

hello food, my old friend.

I can eat again! Yay, huzzah, horray and all that jazz. In fact, there are days I forget I'm pregnant. Maybe not the whole day, but definitely for hours on end. The point is, I feel great again!

And with that great relief, I now can delve into the complications of my dealings with pregnancy in the age of technology. First of all, I'm thankful for the wonderful advancements in science, our better understanding of pregnancy and how it affects our bodies, and what can help or harm you or the baby.

But then... there's this vast mountain of information that, when all is said and done, we aren't quite sure if it's this way or that way, or if you should take this or that, or not do this, or definitely do that. I say 'we' as a society, but when you go down those paths you will find those who will stake their lives on one side or the other.

And that, my friends, is the dilemma. If you are one who relishes the thought of research, endless checklists, planning ahead to the last detail, then you cannot possibly understand why I'm sitting here, avoiding all possible articles that might lead me down a trail of endless reading and fact checking and researching. You might even think to yourself that I'm careless not to. In all fairness, sometimes it might be careless. But what it really boils down to is this: I haaaaaaaaate stress. I hate it so much. I hate how I let it affect my mood and actions towards others. I hate how it makes something I might never have thought anything of is suddenly the biggest challenge I'm facing. I hate what it does physically to your body. It's just nasty stuff. And I have realized that planning that far ahead, with that many details, and to that fine of a point can stress me out.

I didn't really know that about myself, but God did when He brought Fred and I together. Fred basically doesn't stress... almost ever. I mean, put him in a downtown traffic jam during rush hour and that is the most stressed you will ever see him. (this is so calloused, but it makes me laugh to see him like that... probably because it's rare, so I don't even know what to do with him)
*Side note: I loooove planning events, though, so planning the labor will be fun. It's just all the "will you swaddle/breastfeed/cosleep/vaccinate/bank cord blood/circumcise/cloth diaper/only use certain cleaning products/schedule naps/schedule eating/schedule play dates/do this method/raise them on this principle" etc etc can be quite overwhelming when you are still trying to figure out why pizza tastes soooooo good when you used to hate it (unless it's Chicago style.. I mean, come on).

What I do like to do is make a rough sketch of expectations. I find myself ending a lot of plans with, "and we'll go from there..." or "and we'll see how we feel after that." I like multiple options because I don't know how things will be at the time. I dislike packing for a trip, and the shorter the trip the harder it is, because you really should be able to choose a specific number of outfits. I just can't. What if that shirt is just wrong that day? And that dress is only comfortable on a slightly cool day. If there's a breeze I might want this sweater, but that might be too heavy if the sun is out.

You get the picture.

That said, I love it when people tell me what has helped them. It's personal testimony. I love hearing ideas and examples from others. Granted I may choose a different choice than yours, but it is nice not to hear just one side of things.

Ok, while we're on this topic I have these apps. I've mentioned them before. Well, I started feeling pretty good about what I was getting accomplished and how I was starting to get into a more regular and challenging workout, so I started to read them again. Wrong. The first article I read said, "Now that your nursery is painted and decorated, it's time to start thinking about furniture!"

What are they on?! Did I download the app for Superwoman's pregnancy? I mean... who has their nursery ready when they're barely four months preggo?

Speaking of how far along I am... here's another photo (although it was taken a week ago, there has not been too much change).

When life gives you The Lorax...

...make pancakes. 

In passing I mentioned to Fred how I would like to watch The Lorax but I had lost the movie. I left the room not thinking a thing about it, and minutes later heard the sound of the movie playing! I ran back in and hugged Fred almost in tears (hormones...). He bought it online for me. This was the other night, and I've watched it three times since, so... money well spent, time well wasted? 

But if you've seen The Lorax, you know the most compatible foods are marshmallows and pancakes, so that's what I had.

Anyway, Fred is sweet... 

and so are pancakes.

Also I'm hungry.

i'd like to thank you

As morning sickness takes an exit from the stage that is my life, I have taken some time to fondly remember and thank the things in my life that got me through those dark, dizzying, gloomy days.

• cereal - specifically Puffins and Cheerios. Where would my stomach have been without you? You made it possible for me to look my husband in the eye and say, 'Yes. I have eaten today.' For that, I thank you.
• Gardettos - that one awful night I had to visit the birthing center during a strong wave of nausea that never left, you were my consolation. I still remember how salty and crunchy you were, when everything else felt mushy and warm.
• fuzzy white blanket - those nights I crawled into bed shivering uncontrollably, knowing in a few minutes I would feel overheated, you moderated my temperature like no other blanket could. 
• Curious George - where do I start? Even before pregnancy you were the only thing that took my mind off nausea during sickness. Those hours of bed-ridden vertigo would have been even more bleak without your innocuous little episodes of calming sounds and soothing pictures.
• comfy pants - I love you. 
• Perrier Lime water and Tummy Drops - you two were one of the only reliefs from nausea I ever experienced. 
• Granny Smith apples - you darling granny. On average I would eat about 3-4 of these apples a day. They were the other nausea reliever I found. I will always look at green apples fondly.
• Couch - my dear friend. We have grown closer together these past few weeks, haven't we? I think you've become a part of me... I'm not proud to say this, but if a pie chart for my time spent during this first trimester were made, and the color blue was used for 'time spent on couch', I would basically have a blue pie chart.
• water - helloooooo beautiful. You are always welcome in my life - in any form. Drinking water, pools, oceans, ice cubes, sprinklers, what have you. The fact that I was nauseous the entire ride up to the waterpark, downed a sub in the car while sick, and didn't even care says a lot about your powers over me.
• cold packs - My Excedrin in gelatinous form. Even sans pregnancy, I don't really like the thought of taking medicine for a headache, unless absolutely necessary. Being pregnant, my options are severely limited and I'd rather not mess with it at all if I don't have to. Cold packs have been the #1 relief for my headaches. There were times I had two in rotation for hours until, a) I could fall asleep, or b) the headache went away. But having that cold pack on my forehead was a sweet, sweet solace.

Although a bit tongue-in-cheek, these were great reliefs to me at some point. In my most genuine moments of thankfulness, I think of Fred and all that he has done. Now it's time to celebrate! And also...to get back to work. Every day I feel well I want to use it to bring my outdoors and indoors back into order. De-cluttering and weeding are my biggest jobs staring me in the face, but I'm really enjoying having the energy to tackle them. 

And here's a baby bump photo.

beach life

So Fred and I are on vacation this week. We are in Florida, and we are walking distance from the beach. It's beautiful, sunny, sometimes a little rainy, but overall oh-so-relaxing. I really don't want to go home. If we move away from Milton, I'm going to push pretty hard for a beach home. I feel like I was made for the beach life.

Although........... currently I am a walking reminder to beach-goers to apply and reapply sunscreen diligently. Yep... I got burned. I was so careful last time at the beach and donned a beautiful tan, but this time I got sloppy and I'm pretty red in a couple places. The good news is, if the burn isn't too bad it evens out to a nice tan eventually.

But enough about tans. I am in my second trimester now! Woohoo!!! This means, I will soon be saying goodbye to morning sickness and all that it entails. I still have a few bouts, but overall I can eat most of what I could pre-pregnancy (although anything very potent is still on the outs... I can't imagine ever wanting it again).

One of the biggest turning points for me has been my energy! I was basically a floppy fish who had been out of water too long during my first trimester. When people looked at me I could see the pity in their eyes as I molded to whatever form I was sitting/laying/leaning on at the time. I would join family gatherings with half opened eyes and smile weakly, holding out limp arms for a hug which I mostly leaned into for support. I was a sad sack.

But on this vacation... I have been running! And swimming, walking, and actually doing chores like cooking a little and cleaning. But back to the running, which is what I'm most excited about... I ran the second day here (so, Monday) and it was sort of a granny run, and I averaged it at half a mile. It was a little more, perhaps 2/3 a mile, but I was thinking, "Way to go!" Because only a week before it had felt like murder to run 1 mile at the slowest possible running pace, and it took me 15 minutes. I was not proud of myself, but I also was too tired to care. Fred mostly was pushing me so I wouldn't wind up a couch potato; a thought that became increasingly more appealing as the weeks wore on. Every time I would look at one of my pregnancy apps or e-mails, it would say 'make sure to stay active!' and 'don't become a couch potato!' and so I made a decision:
I stopped checking my apps and e-mails.

Anyway, it felt like a good idea to try a run yesterday. I was feeling active, I was at the beach by myself since Fred had to work that day, and so I ran. After my first run, I had very low expectations, but I ran until I felt like I needed to turn back. I didn't need to rest, which was a really good sign, and I thought maybe I went almost a mile that time. I measured the distance and it turned out to be 2. I was pretty happy about that! Not only did I feel great during and after the run, but I outran my expectation.

Fred and I ran again today, but... I stopped a lot the first mile. Even with all the stops, he said it was well under a 10 minute mile, so I definitely have increased my speed. I feel almost like my old self, but my stomach is getting a little bit bigger. Oh... that reminds me, I need to take belly shots.
That sounds like a club drink.

thoughts on pregnancy

Ahh, pregnancy: that little glow you feel when you see the positive line on the pregnancy test; those flutters when you have your first prenatal; those nights you lay awake day dreaming about holding that little one!

Cue reality.

The ‘glow’ you’re feeling is most likely heartburn. The ‘flutters’ are really a bout with nausea and you’re losing. Those nights you’re lying awake are because you have to keep going to the bathroom, and the only thing you want to hold is your head because it aches.

So, that sounds awful, and it’s not great, but this is the price set for me and my first trimester. Not bad when you think of the reward, but it’s kind of hard to remember the reward for weeks on end.

And honestly, it hasn’t been like that every day.  I’ve had some great days! These last three are clouding the memories of the good days, but serves me right for choosing to post on a bad day.

Oh yeah… I’m pregnant. Surprise! I’m the better part of 11 weeks pregnant. I realized I needed to post something about this pregnancy when at least three separate times I mentioned something about my pregnancy to friends, and each one responded with, “Wait! You’re pregnant??” I dropped the ball, but here I am picking it back up again.

I actually didn’t drop the ball, I threw it. I decided I was too flipping tired to do anything like a post or announcement. Ridiculous, I know.

But I’ll spare you the humdrum lowdown on my morning sickness. Instead, I’ll focus on the comedy of it all – or what have you.

I grew up hearing about those funny pregnancy cravings. I still think on I Love Lucy that the hot fudge sauce Lucy poured on her sardines and ice cream looked like the best hot fudge I could ever taste. But instead of strange food cravings, it has manifested itself more in the form of ‘food tolerances’. Currently, most foods sound/smell abhorrent so eating is no longer ‘for funsies’ as it was during the very first few weeks of pregnancy (ahh… those glorious days of old), so for me to be able to think fondly of any food ultimately interprets to a run to the store and an armful of said desirables. 

So… here are my “food cravings:”

-        -  cold, super  duper, as-sour-as-you-can-get green granny smith apples. I basically want to be stunned for a split second by tart overload.

-        -  carbonated lime water

-        -  cheese puffs (no surprises here… it’s always a craving of mine) but I rarely indulge :(

-        -  smoked salmonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

-        -  tater tots

-        -  applesauce

-        -  unripe watermelon

Nothing too weird, really. Now let's talk about food intolerances...

My "food hates:"

-  sugary sweetness that is not chocolate
-  garlic anything, anywhere, I can taste it in its faintest proportions...
-  most meat, almost all beef especially (except for my aunt's brisket)
-  green vegetables... I hate you, green food... except you, Apples...you're the only one who understands me.
-  onions (obviously)
-  cheese that has not been melted
-  and anything that smells weird when cooked, has a powerful odor or taste, has a weird consistency

I have been recording little video snippets of life according to me for the last 4 or 5 weeks. They will eventually be on my youtube channel. On further reflection, they’re quick little whine segments. So be warned.

The fatigue got to me in the early weeks of morning sickness. There were days where it was a debate between bathing and eating. There were times when going to the bathroom merited taking another nap. There were moments when I had every intention of ‘doing something’ and wound up asleep on the couch. If I didn’t have sense enough I’d be very angry and disappointed in myself, but I know that’s only going to make matters worse.

I had a very memorable time at Food Lion a few weeks back. This was my first time shopping alone since sickness started, and I thought I was doing all right. Grabbing a bag of corn that said “very sweet” on it seemed to tip me over the edge. I darted to the bathroom as quickly as I could, but I didn’t puke. You know that moment right before the heave? That’s where it left me for the remainder of my time out. I realized I was probably going to stay like this for a while, so I looked around for some bag to take in case I was wrong. On the way home I had a bag attached to the steering wheel so I didn’t have to pull over should the need arise. It all ended happily, except still no relief, but I will not be buying frozen corn for a loooooong time, and I give it dirty looks when I pass it in the frozen vegetable section.

Also, *drum roll please* I am starting to show... faintly.

Well, in the words of Forrest Gump: "That's all I got to say about that."